I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
