do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
