She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
