You're so nebulous sometimes
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
