Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
