With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
