sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
