Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
