nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
