WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
