The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
