You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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