so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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