I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
