I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
operation have a gay friend backfired
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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