in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
This is the high leading the old right now
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
