I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
