Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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