hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
