Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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