I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
