video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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