im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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