I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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