so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
