i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
