he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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