we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
