I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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