After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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