two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
