we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
