You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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