giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
