scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
