I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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