when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Hippo gnu deer
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
