if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
it glows. i had to have it.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
there is glitter all over my balls
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
