If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
