So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
