Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
