fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
BRING THE BAGELS
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
