I cannot find my penis.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
