So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
