So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
