You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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