too bad you live with your parents still
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
