wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
