Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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