JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
