It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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