he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
