i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
it's like iHOP with fire
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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