What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
