I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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