Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
